Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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