So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
