We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
