Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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