I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
