cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
