Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
