I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
