It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
