he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
