Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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