My friends, they love my intelligence
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
