1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
