If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
