I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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