Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
