Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
