I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
