White coat. Heels.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my liver is dry heaving
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
