so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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