people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
