I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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