Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
