even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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