HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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