Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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