get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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