Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
