woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
