Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
