And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
