she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize