We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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