I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
