Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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