Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
