Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
