i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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