You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
