You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
