Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
