I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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