dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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