We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
