I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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