just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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