i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
