well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize