Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
