You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
