yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
