His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
