Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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