Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
