I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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