I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
