Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
