last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
