its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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