seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
