oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
