the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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