i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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