I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
