FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
