Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
