I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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