btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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