oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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